Why do you love each other?
What do you see in each other?
What is so special about either of you?
I never felt the need to write a blog about me(a black American) and my boyfriend’s (a Korean Asian) race/ethnicity, but felt the urge to discuss blind love to all those who fail to understand that love is essentially color blind.
When I met my boyfriend I didn’t think that race mattered when we ended up clicking more as we got to know another. In his case, meeting a foreign girl in Korea is still a new experience for many Korean men. So, meeting with me on a date was a new experience for him. In Korea if Korean men are bold enough then they can meet and maybe even become friends with foreign women. In the case of me and my boyfriend, as mentioned in a previous blog Boyfriend.Lover.Friend(남친.연인.친구) we started dating regularly after our first meeting. I know that he was certainly curious, nervous, and observant of my features/looks/ and stark difference from Korean women. But, after a short while of dating my boyfriend saw only me, and I saw only him. We didn’t see ethnicity, race, or color. Except when asked by curious strangers, friends, or family.
In these instances I felt our color blind love was being contested or viewed wrongly. Which made me wonder when did love require color selection? When did love require matching in complexion? I ask not because of frustration, but simply as a curious lover who wants to live in a world where human beings are not looked up for or looked down for the beautiful color that God has given them. However, somewhere in our conflicted history, color became a pyramid with white at the top and the darkest of black on the bottom. This pyramid sadly remains invisibly construed into our societal beliefs and with that judgement on those who fail to apply a color code in their potential suitor.
We all possess beautiful colors and should not judge one another. We should not judge each other based on an archaic color pyramid our forefathers manifested, nor should we judge the love between color blinded couples. Yet, not all of us experience colorblindness. Based on our place of birth, our family lineage, our education, our family wealth, and possibly even our tone of skin not all of us get to experience colorblindness in our adulthood. With the exception of our childhood when we are carefree about who we meet and play with, but as adults our acquaintances, friends, family, and even co-workers with whom we associate with might be of one or two specific races and/or nationalities depending on your place of birth. That being said we grow accustomed to set tones that we are surrounded by.
In my case, I grew up accustomed to more tones outside of my own by attending an all white private elementary school, high school, and 60-70% white college in Boston. Throughout my childhood, adolescence, and early years of adulthood I was surrounded by lighter tones than my own, which made me wonder if I was lucky. Lucky to experience colorblindness toward acquaintances, friends, family, co-workers, and even men with whom I associated with. My own experiences helped me see past the color pyramid we all learn about while growing up. By not abiding by it I learned to step away from closed groups and looked to meet other color blinded people like myself. In my search I met my boyfriend, who like me wanted to meet someone who does not judge someone based on founded societal views, but instead through own personal exchange.
Through our dates we saw each other as human beings with similar needs and wants – a loving partner, a doting lover, someone to listen to us and listen to, someone to comfort and confide in, someone to call us each and everyday, someone to love us in so many ways, someone to be present in our lives, someone to cherish and hold onto. We saw each other for all of these reasons and more. Just like any other couple. Just like any other race. This brings me back now to the questions posted above. Me and my boyfriend are lovers. We are no different from what some might consider an average couple: white+white, black+black (i.e. W+W, B+B) or what others might call an interracial couple: asian male+black woman, black male+asian woman (i.e. AMBW, BMAW). Each is one in the same. We love each other because of the qualities I’ve mentioned, but also because we sincerely see our other halves in one another. Lastly, there is nothing defining-ly special about either of us. Some strangers and on-lookers might view us as exotic or special simply due to non-matching in skin tone, but they forget that underneath the skin we are all the same. So me and my boyfriend possess no special traits, however, our personalities are genuinely unique and can not be fully expressed for how unique they really are. This I believe is what makes us special in each others eyes and only in each others eyes.