Continuing my Dating Abroad series this blog post will talk about important points that address the best time to close the distance between you and your significant other: whether you live across the country from one another, or live an ocean/continent away.
Being in a LDR for more than 9 months me and my BF are working on closing the distance. But, in order to get there first we understand that we must first strive to become more self-sufficient in order to become a self-sustaining couple together. For many international couples this is one of the bigger hurdles to overcome. If you are both young, and still not 100% self-sufficient it can be tough to propose marriage, or promise to take care of someone you love. Additionally, if you receive little to no assistance from family can make the transition into adulthood a bumpy ride for both men and women .
In the case of my relationship me and my BF are in our late twenties. This relates somewhat to our self-sufficiency. Since we are young millennials, we are trying to plant our feet on the ground, by bettering our careers and planning ahead for the future with securing more savings. Not wanting to compromise our time to work toward building up work experience, we entered into a LDR. The goal behind the LDR is to become more self-sufficient enough to close the distance.
With having a goal for entering and closing our LDR me and my boyfriend have discussed what are some of the most important factors we and any LDR couple should focus on. The 3 most important factors any couple should focus on if they too would like to close the distance are:
- Savings: Couples should both be willing to save for the relationship in order to be able to have some savings to start off with
- Living space: Instead of a living location per say, couples should have a living space in mind that can both be shared (i.e.living with parents, one person buying/renting an apartment, buying/ renting a house, etc. (*a living space is needed in order to ensure that you can be together)
- Work Prospects: With savings and living space secured, the final important factor that couples should focus on thereafter is work prospects for both of them in their new living location/area. To become further stable, independently and as a team, both BF/GF should be able to find new employment or maintain their current employment to help cover their new commitments to each other as well as a future family.
Many couples I know personally, or through acquaintances waited until they secured at least 2/3 of these feats before closing the distance. In my case, I am striving for us to work out our living space prospects. As young adults the idea of living together has been mentioned before, but living together prior to a wedding in preparation, might not fly so well with our families. So, we currently remained focused on our savings and future work prospects. As mentioned before in a blog post Career Exploring (작업을찾기): 2010~, I am striving to pursue a career that can be regional or international. My boyfriend is the same. Having flexibility in our careers will be good for us, no matter where we eventually decide to reside.
Closing the distance realistically is not as easy a 1,2,3. Beyond the 3 important factors I noted are more important matters that all LDR couples must sit down and discuss with their significant other. These matters entail worries ranging from: marriage planning, family commitments, child-bearing years, etc. Like any normal couple these worries are realistic and should be addressed early on to diminish any fears or misunderstandings that can lead to problems down the road. Using family commitments as an example, both me and my BF are very family oriented people. Due to this we each care about helping our families as much and as often as possible. However, due to my BF’s somewhat higher commitments as the eldest child, I respect his family responsibilities that have on occasion weighed in on our set plans as a couple.
Sometimes a LDR couple may have set plans that might be placed on hold or forgo-ed entirely. This then can lead to LDR couples experiencing contention or disenchantment when plans, for example, were once set had failed either to take place or were not carried out. In scenarios such as these LDR couples must work to overcome big and small hurdles they may face in order to regain their footing. Overcoming these moments and remembering what is most important(*each other) will help LDR couples stay on track of their core focuses & work toward re-building their future plans together.
It brings joy in knowing that your ‘one day closer’ to being in your significant others arms. Keeping that image of being together once again in your mind will provide you with comfort and confidence. With that said remember to work on achieving whatever factors matter most for closing your LDR with you and your BF/GF.
All couples who have pass through LDR hurdles must continue to support each other like any ordinary (non LDR) couple. They too, eventually, will enter into the rhythm of maintaining a stable relationship once again, or for the very first time.