It pains me to think that my family dog of almost 12 years won’t make it through the month and be with us much longer. Since last winter, he’s been up and down with brief illnesses and lethargy, but never to the state in which he has now fallen.
As the only dog I have had in my life since I was age 16 I can’t help but feel like I am in jeopardy of losing a child and/ or little brother whose been by my side and my most supportive pup cheerleader. Always greeting me on my return homes from high-school, weekend vacation periods from college, and trip homes from when I lived abroad.
My dog was diagnosed earlier this year(mid-June) with chronic k/d(kidney disease). It was devastating to learn of his diagnosis after he had all of sudden was lost his eyesight in one eye. Still, though, our little Gem was a trooper. Within a few weeks after being diagnosed with k/d and losing his right eye to blindness he bounced back yet again and carried on as usual. So, it was no mistake that this is how I thought the week and weekend period would turn out. I thought that my little Gem would bounce back yet again.
(this past weekend)
Unfortunately, on my return to work after taking time off to tend to my sick dog, my pup of 12 years passed away at home. He was not alone, or so I would like to say. My parents were home at the time. However, after speaking with my mother I learned that my dog was looking for me hours before he left this world. It pains me to not be there to hold him one last time as he drifted away. It pains me to know that I was at work while he was home & he knew I was not present. It pains me to no longer see his face, see his tail wag, see him waiting for me, and see him sleep by my bedside.
Over this past weekend, I’ve been depressed at work. But, I’ve been focused and able to conduct my work in proper fashion. However, deep down I am silently mourning. It is not easy to lose a companion or pet that you’ve known for more than a decade, it is not easy to re-adjust your routine, it is not easy to accept this new reality/fate. Yet, as the weekend now passes I know that eventually my heart will not ache, eventually I will smile again when I hear my dog’s name, eventually I will have the strength to be proud of the lifetime I had with my pet and not mourn the brief time I watched him slip away.
I would like to thank my family, close friends, and BF who know me & my pet very well. They have all provided me with reassurance that the pain will subside. Sadly, I know so many people (especially my BF) who can relate to me. My BF lost his dog (lived to be 17 years old) last year. Back then I felt his pain when he mourned his dog, just as he feels my pain as I begin to mourn my own. In times like these I am glad that we can support one another, can better understand one another, and can share new feelings with one another.
The lives of our pets, for both us, has changed our lives. They (Gemini & Motnani(못난이)) will forever hold a special place in our hearts.
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